Thursday, October 14, 2010

AFC East Mascots

In honor of everybody in the AFC East being competent besides the Buffalo Bills, I figured I would do the one thing that would make Buffalo successful in comparison to the rest of the divison.  What's that you might ask? It's a side by side by side by side comparison of the 4 mascots of the AFC East Division teams!  I'm not going to waste any time, let's get right into it:

Billy Buffalo: His name is appropriate to that of the team, he's HUGE, he's a buffalo, he rides a chopper.  Honestly, what's not to like?  Alright outside of the fact that he's blue.  But he is a mascot, so I guess there had to be at least one ridiculous aspect to his get up.  But all in all, he's a solid mascot in my opinion.  Not too ridiculous looking, but not lame either.  I can remember when the Bills first introduced him;  he used to throw Flutie's Favorite Subs into the crowd every once in a while. He was BA then, and he's BA now.  I just wish he'd make like a real Buffalo and charge someone every once in a while.

T.D.: Ladies and gentlemen, oi vey. Where to begin with this one, where to begin? Well I guess I could start with the fact that he has a helmet on that is about 4 sizes too small for his head.  Which is fitting because that's the same way Chad Henne wears his helmet too.  He has no hands (which I guess is appropriate) so that's got to be hell on whoever is actually IN the mascot costume.  He has to wear that thing on Sunday afternoons in Miami, FL.  You couldn't get me to wear that thing in 95 degree heat if my life depended on it.  You're lucky if I put pants on period down here it's so hot.  This truly has to be the worst NFL mascot outfit for the guy INSIDE it. And lastly, he represents the biggest oxymoron in all of sports.  He's the mascot for the Miami Dolphins, a team that uses a porpoise as their logo and mascot.  So I guess his name should actually be "T.P." which seems a little more appropriate for the way the Dolphins play at least.  

Pat the Patriot: Wow. First of all, what is on his arms?  It looks like something Captain America would've worn .... if Captain America were partaking in the gay pride parade in NYC.  And what's up with that hat?  I'm pretty sure that at no point during the history of the United States did anyone ever wear a hat that looked like that, and if they did .. well ... NYC.  But the strangest thing about this mascot in my opinion has got to be the fact that he looks like the offspring of Quagmire from Family Guy and Stan from American Dad.  I have to say, what in the hell was Robert Kraft thinking when he approved this?  If I were a Pats fan I'd almost rather just have a Ben Franklin look a like walking around the field or something.  I mean at least he invented bi-focals.

Fireman Ed: Which brings us to the worst of the bunch, Fireman Ed.  I'm not even really sure what this costume is supposed to be?  I mean all he has on is a Jets jersey and a fireman's hat.  Seems more like the beginning of a porno than a mascot costume to me.  His redundant spelling exercise gets pretty old pretty quickly as well.  I bet this guy must feel like the most important person in the world when he gets those other 82,565 people to chant that along with him.  Little does he know that the rest of the sporting world laughs at him every time he does it because generally he makes a face much like the one he's making in this picture upon completion.  Look at him, he looks so excited you'd think his team just won the Superbowl or something.  The last time they did that was 42 years ago, kind of like the jersey he's wearing.  Hmm .. maybe Ed has a sense of humor?

Thoughts anyone?  Feel free to comment on how lame you think Fireman Ed is too.


  1. lol mascots. fireman ed looks like that guy from that primus video

  2. Td's helmet does not have to be big. Just enough to cover the blow hole!

  3. In theory, Dolphins are bad ass. THEY KILL SHARKS, can you kill a shark without a weapon? I don't think so. Get off TD!

  4. In theory, it would be awesome if a team actually had a logo and mascot that matched their team name.